Walking Through the Valley of Shadows
by Nightheart
Summary: When tragedy strikes and your anchor sinks who will be the one to hold you steady? Sometimes one must walk through the Valley of Shadows to appreciate the light.


A.C. 198

The shuttle rocked with the force of the explosion.

"We're losing fuel in the left engine, adjusting to compensate!"

Somehow the voice of the captain in the supposedly soundproofed cockpit ahead of her did nothing to calm her fears. Relena looked over at her mother. She was one of the very few remaining family members Relena had left (unless one counted the elder brother who was really little more than a stranger to her, Noin and Pagan). She couldn't stand to lose her too, not like this.

Please, just let us all make it out of here alive. I don't want to loose anyone else close to me.

"We can't make atmosperica approach at this velocity! We'll skip over the stratosphere and disintegrate," reported the co-pilot. 

"Right. We'll have to try to crash land on one of the nearby asteroid research satellites," said the pilot. "We'll send out a distress signal as soon as we land and get picked up before our air runs out. It's a busy sector, someone is sure to hear us."

Relena felt the bumps and jolts of the shuttle as it adjusted it's course and tried to disobey the pull of the planet below it. 

"Coming in for a landing…It's too steep! Pull up! Pull up!"

The shouts rang in her ears. The world sounded and felt like it had exploded around her as her shuttle hit the surface of the asteroid hard. Her mother was thrown from her seat as the meager seat-belt snapped. She faintly heard her own screams and that of her mother as she was thrown about the cabin. Relena tried as best she could to keep sight of her mom but there was just too much going on. There was a horrible grinding noise of the rocks scraping against the hull of the shuttle that tore at the ship like the hand of a giant. There was another loud crash and Relena saw bit and pieces of debris float about the cabin. 

All was still.

It was like the silence of a cathedral when there was no one in it, the silence of the tomb. A silence as profound as when the whale swallowed Jonah. Relena looked around. She was battered, and certain to sport more than a few cuts and bruises, but that was immaterial at the moment.

"Mother?" she called. Her voice was gravely and her throat tight with worry and fear. She looked about her self desperately. "Mother?"

Silence.

"Mother where are you? Answer me, _please_."

Oh, not like this. Not again, she thought. The smoke hanging in the air and the debris scattered about the cabin brought back the earlier memory of the explosion that had ended her father's life. Not again. Please not again.
    
    "Mother!" she called again. She couldn't help it, she wanted to cry so badly. But she couldn't, not right now. It wouldn't solve anything if she lost it. 

"Mother please say something!" she tried again. "Where are you? Mother!"

Relena had never wanted so badly to sit there and start bawling her eyes out before. But the hard truth of the matter was…she couldn't. She wasn't out of the woods yet, if anything her troubles had only just begun. First, she needed to assess the situation. 

She gingerly climbed from her seat, in the process noting that she had a multitude of sore spots and a very swelled up ankle. She looked about her, there were seats that had been torn up and thrown every which way by the force of the crash. She stepped over and around them to make her way to the cock pit. With any luck the pilot or co-pilot might still be alive.

She looked at the wreckage of the cockpit, there were sparks flying from what was left of the control panels. The veiw port windows were cracked and showed only darkness. They had obviously dived nose-first into the ground of wherever they had landed. Two forms slumped over in the pilot and co-pilot's chairs. She knew without having to feel for a pulse that they were already dead. Unable to stop herself, Relena's feet marched over to the men and reached over to test their necks. No pulse.

She backed away, gasping. She'd never touched a dead body before. She was certain that she didn't like it. Carefully she shut away the creepy feeling as she concentrated her attention on other matters.

Mother. I've got to find mother and make sure she's alive, thought Relena. If nothing else, for the moment she still had hope.

Relena made her way back to the passenger cabin and started searching. There was junk everywhere and sometimes she had to move it to continue on her way through the cabin. She scrabbled through the rubble frantically trying to find the last remaining member of her "real family" as she still thought of the two people who had raised her.

There!

She spotted a leg sticking out from under a pile of chairs. It was definitely female.

"Mother!" she called with relief and joy. There was still hope that she could get both her and her mother out of this!

"Mother I-" …

She paused. There was no answering cry of joy from the woman under the pile of debris.

Maybe she's unconscious, thought Relena. But a thick knot of certainty began to build in Relena's stomach. She wasn't unconscious a tiny voice whispered at her.

Frantically Relena dug away the bits of glass and plastic and pushed aside the chairs covering her mother. The sight that met her when she reachd the bottom was something no one should have to witness. Her mothers beautiful grey-blue eye open and staring. Her throat and upper torso covered with blood. Blood everywhere. 

Relena stared at the scene before her, her mind not willing to take it in. It tried to tell her that it wasn't real, that it couldn't be real. This wasn't real blood, this wasn't her mother. Her mother was alive… the Universe couldn't be that cruel. But she knew with a certainty that sat in the pit of her stomach like ice that the Universe could and often was that cruel. 

No! Motherrrrr! Nooooo!

Relena wasn't aware she was screaming, that her hands were covered in her mothers blood as she tried to pull the corpse from the wreckage. She wasn't aware of anything.

Her mind left her, snapped into that automatic survivors mode where her body acted without conscious direction. She was numb. Her body was completely detached from her thoughts, allowing her to take action without having to deal with the horrors laid before her.

The signal beacon. There was an emergency signal beacon located in the cockpit, and also in the rear of the plane. The words from the pre-flight video that she had watched countless times in the last two years and throughout her life echoed with automatic clarity. They were so ingrained it was almost instinctive. The cockpit was demolished, there was no way that the signal beacon there was intact, her only hope was the back-up beacon in the rear of the shuttle.

Of its own volition her body moved, carried a numb mind and spirit with her to the back of the shuttle. She located the signal beacon right where the vid had said it would be and studied it. It was in perfect condition, but there was one small problem. She had no idea how the thing was supposed to work. 

It had a few buttons on the side, and a lever or two. Finally she found what she was looking for…the instructional stickers. Like fire extinguishers, signal beacons came with instruction stickers on the side of it where anyone could find them and read them. Relena took it in and acted with numb precision as she set up the beacon, adjusted its carrier frequencies to hit all major bands and broadcasts and most of the minor ones, and flipped the switch to activate it.

There! With any luck someone will hear it before the shuttle runs out of oxygen. she thought distantly as she walked back the spot where her mother's body lay stretched out. Relena curled up on her side beside her and rested her head on a one arm so she could look at her, just like she had when she was a little girl. She took her mothers hand, pretending that she was still alive, only sleeping. She used to crawl into bed when her mom took a nap on those days when she got painful headaches, holding her hand and listening to the sound of her mothers breathing. Sometimes she had sang songs to soothe her, sometimes they had just lay there and talked.

Relena now fell asleep in silence, with no sound of breathing to lull her to slumber. She was alone.

With any luck, I'll die here, she thought as she fell asleep.

When she next awoke the shuttle was colder than it had been. A lot colder. The air felt thick and stank of ozone.

There must be a leak in the hull, she thought, foggily. Her head felt heavy and her wits slower, most probably due to the diminishing oxygen levels. It probably wouldn't be a whole lot longer before the oxygen fell past that which could sustain her. It was cold. So cold.

…

Twenty minutes later the temperature had continued dropping steadily, and the air tasted metallic…further proof that Relena Peacecraft was about to die beside her last remaining family. The monitors showed that she was almost out of oxygen.

I'm going to die now, she thought. It's not so bad. I hope the world continues down the path of peace without me. I feel so groggy.

She fell asleep again, this time a more accurate description would have been her passing out. 

"She's over here! I see her!"

A deep voice interrupted her slumber. There was someone there with her. 

"Here!" she rasped. She was certain that it had to be death, come to spirit away her soul. Why, then, did it sound so familiar? 

"Wellll, there you are ojuosan," called the cheerful voice of Duo Maxwell. 

So the God of Death sounds like Duo Maxwell. Figures, if she hadn't been dizzy from lack of oxygen and to tired to even shiver in the cold, she would have laughed.

"Me an' Hilde picked up your distress signal from nearby. I was worried we wouldn't reach all of you in time," said Duo. 

"Everyone's been frantic with worry," Hilde chimed in. "When your shuttle didn't report in being late after not landing on time people just assumed the worst. Duo and I joined the teams out looking for you."

Relena cracked an eyelid. Two faces appeared in her blurry sight, both wearing mirroring expressions of worry. 

Am I alive after all? Oh. Damn. she thought fuzzily, still trying to take it all in. Her mind was acting slower than usual.

"C'mon ojousan, let's get you to your feet," said Duo.

I don't want to get to my feet. I want to stay here with mother. 

Relena however was too weak from loss of oxygen and her injureis to resist when she was pulled to her feet and her arms draped over two shoulders. She found herself being strung between two bodies and dragged from the cabin. She tried to protest, tried to tell them…

"Mother?" she asked. She'd meant to say 'what about my mother?' but she had barely enough strenght and breath in her for one word.

"It's okay Relena," said Hilde reassuringly. "You're safe now."

"Mother!" she begged pitiously. "Mother…" she lost consciousness again.

* * * 

~Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep…~

"…Horrible way for anyone to loose a parent," said a voice off to her right.

"Sssh! Duo, she might hear you," cautioned another voice. "We don't know when she'll awaken."

The voices sounded familiar, but she was too tired at the moment to try and place them. It was enough for her that she knew them and felt unthreatened.

"Mother…" she tried again. Relena was too tired to open her eyes. She just lay there.

"Hey, she's awake! See, Wu-man, I told ya ojousan was stronger than that! You owe me twenty credits!"

"Blind luck, it was probably your mouth that kept her from seeking peace. Who could rest peacefully with your incessant chatter?" retorted a voice to her right. 

Relena felt an unexplainable flash of mild irritation, followed by an equally unexplainable urge to giggle.

"Mother," she tried once more. It was imperative that she see her mother. She couldn't quite remember why, she only had a vague feeling of urgency.

"Okay boys, clear the room," said a voice to her left. The voice was female, with a vaguely smoky quality to it, firm and competent.

"I do not take orders from you, onna…Sally," said the vaguely crabby voice to her left.

"You do when it's _my_ med-lab, Wufei. Now that the patient is awake, I wish to examine her, make sure there has been no damage to her higher brain or motor functions."

"Very well Doctor," grumbled the one called Wufei. There was the sound of rustling cloth and moving feet, soon all was silence again (except for the beeping).

"Well Miss Relena, it seems you've made it through another deadly situation with you skin intact," said the doctor cheerfully. "Let's see about the rest of you. Could you wriggle your toes for me?"

Relena did so and was vaguely gratified to feel her foot sliding against the blanket.

"Very good. Do it again please, just be sure it wasn't a fluke. The body sometimes sends out random nerve impulses that can result in involuntary movement."

Relena obeyed, and felt her toes slide against the blanket again.

"Good, now, I'd like you to open your eyes for me miss Relena, I want to run a sight check."

"Too tired," she mumbled.

"I know you're tired sweetie, but this can't wait. Come on, open your eyes for me."

Relena opened her eyes and blinked her vision clear a few times. The room slowly came into focus. Yuck, a hospital room with cheerful pastels and ugly lace curtains. 

The doctor held up two fingers before her face.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two."

"Good," she switched it to five. "How many now?"

"Five."

"Good. Can you remember your name?"

"Which one?" she said, her voice flat with weariness. This earned a wry smile from the doctor.

"Funny. Pick one."

"Relena Darlian."

"Good. Do you know where you are?"

"Either in med-lab, or in Hell. Either way the décor needs work."

"Well, if your making wisecracks there's either something really right or really wrong with you. Who's the president of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation?"

"You shouldn't hit people with that sad fact so soon after waking them up, it's just too tragic," said Relena dryly. Her odd sense of humor was popping up again. "Jack Hamilton Nye."

"Good. Now, Relena…the next few questions I ask you are going to be difficult ones, but I want to try your best to answer them."

"Okay, shoot."

"Do you know why your shuttle went down? Can you remember what happened?"

Relena felt her face drain of color as the scenes flashed in her eyes. The shuttle bumping and jostling, the yells of the pilot and co-pilot in the cockpit. Her mother screaming as she was thrown from her seat, her hand being torn from Relena's.

"I-I…I don't want…"

"Come on Relena, you have to. We need to know if your shuttle crash was an accident, or if there was a deeper force at work here."

"I…"

She tried again.

"I…I don't want. I can't…It's not…"

"Not what Relena?" pressed Sally. "Come on, I know it's tough but I need you to remember."

"It was an accident," she said with an odd detatched calm. "The left fuel tank had a leak in it. We didn't have sufficient fuel to make planet fall, and once we started burning our way into the atmosphere the fuel would ignite and we'd all explode. Pre-flight check was insufficient."

Sally looked relieved.

"I still need you to remember any other details you think might be helpful."

"My mother…the seat-belt was weak. It snapped and she died. It was supposed to have been me. _I_ was supposed to sit in that seat, but I hate the aisle, I like looking out into space."

"Ancestors Blood!…Relena, you can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," Sally tried to tell her. But Relena's eyes had already gone distant. She wasn't hearing a word the doctor said. Her mind was already gone to another place, away from the pain, away from the guilt.

Sally looked at the young diplomat lying there on the bed. What a lousy break.

"I want to be alone right now please doctor," said Relena with impeccable politeness.

"Of course," she said. 

It's too bad Miss Noin and Relena's brother Zechs…Milliardo are already on Mars, thought Sally as she turned to leave. Relena could certainly use some family right now.

Relena closed her eyes against the horrible visions storming her mind and sank wearily into blissful oblivion.

Outside the room a small conference of Duo and Hilde (who had founde her and brought her into the care of Sally) and Wufei and Sally (who had been leading the search for the errant princess since they had first heard of her going missing) took place.

"Well?" asked Hilde expectantly. "Is she gonna be alright?"

"Physically she should come out of it just fine with no more than a few bumps and bruises, and those will heal up in a few days," Sally Po reported frankly. "There was no brain damage or loss of motor skills despite the extended lack of oxygen to her brain and the extreme cold of the cabin by the time she was found. But mentally and emotionally….. Well… The loss of family is never easy to take in any event. Coming out of a situation like this, it could go any way."

"Recommendations?" queried Wufei. 

"It's standard procedure in the military for a _cadet_ to be given a months medical leave after a tragedy like this one occurs. I recommend we follow that procedure. Give her some time to deal with this and then see if she wants to return to work."

"And if she doesn't?"

"I see no way of forcing her into it. She has more than enough money from her dual inheritances to retire in comfort. If that's what she wants then we should let her."

"I agree," said Hilde. "But for her own safety, just in case, she shouldn't be left alone. She should have someone with her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or something."

"What about that butler of hers? Pagan?" suggested Duo. "He always looks after her."

"Duo," said Hilde, her tone conveying that his suggestion was NOT acceptable. "A butler does _not_ qualify as a sensible option in this circumstance."

"Well what would you suggest then? None of us know her well enough to just butt in on her life. I only know her through Heero really, you only know her through me-"

"I ran into her one time on Libra. It was when I stole that data," Hilde defended herself. 

"And nearly got yourself killed," he muttered.

"I heard that."

"Enough of this," said Wufei. "There is a good and just way to decide who must babysit the suicidal onna." 

Sally shot her partner a withering look.

"Vice Foreign Minister," he amended. "We will draw straws for who gets death watch."

"I will watch over her."

As one they all turned to look at the speaker.

As one they all tuned to see the aged, grandfatherly face of Pagan, Relena's butler, friend and confidante. 

((A.N. I bet you all thought it was going to be Heero didn't you? :P ))

"Pagan?" said sally. "Are you sure about this?"

"It has been my honor to serve her family for most of my life. It has been my privilege to watch her grow into the lady she has become. If this does not qualify me to watch her in her time of need, I don't know what does."

"Very well then Pagan, we will release her into your care tomorrow morning."

"Thank-you doctor" Pagan replied. "And thank all of you for finding her safe and sound. I am exceedingly sorry to hear about the Missus Darlian. From what Relena says, her mother was a kind and wonderful Lady indeed."

The next day Relena Darlian was taken back to her home. The first thing she did was head straight to bed.

* * *

Cold. She was so cold. Surrounded by cold. The air tasted of metal. Gasping for breath… darkness.

A kind and insistent voice disturbed her from beyond the safe comfortable barrier of her blanket. 

"Miss Relena. Miss Relena. Miss Relena please wake up."

Huh? Oh, it's just Pagan.

"Not right now Pagan, I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep," she mumbled sleepily from behind her comforter. "I'll get up in a little while."

"Miss Relena…You've slept for twenty-six hours solid. You've barely left your bed at all for the past three weeks… I know it must be difficult to face your loss…"

Loss? She hadn't lost anything… her mother was away on a business trip to the colonies, she'd be back soon.

"Miss Relena. Please… You have visitors."

"I don't wanna see anyone right now Pagan. I just want to go back to sleep."

I just want the peaceful oblivion. The dreams won't come to me there.

She felt the presence of the kindly old man leave her side silently.

"…At my wits end…Won't get out of bed. She doesn't eat barely any of the food I bring her. Nothing I try to say will get through to her, and when I bring up her mother or the Incident, she just gets this glazed over look in her eye."

Relena heard the voice of her butler in the hallway, talking to someone in the hall way. She felt a pang of conscience that she was causing her friend all of this grief, but brushed it aside in favor of sinking back down into her nice comfortable void. There was no pain there, no sadness…only darkness.

"Miss Relena…" there came another voice from outside of her safe comfortable blanket-world just after she'd managed to fall back into her nice comfortable abyss. She recognized the voice. Noin. Having identified the source of the disruption of her nice peaceful oblivion, Relena wanted nothing more at the moment that to get rid of it.

"Go 'way. I'm tired."

"Miss Relena, wake up hon." The voice was insistent, like a gnat buzzing near her ear.

"Nnnn!" she growled, pulling the blanket further over her head.

"Miss Relena Peacecraft-Darlian! Wake up right now!"

The mildly irritating gnat had just become a decidedly annoying horsefly.

"No!" she snapped "Go away!"

Relena was mildly pleased to hear the irritating insect buzz off. She was decidedly less gratified when it returned a few seconds later.

Relena jumped up screeching in an embarrassingly undignified manner as a large bucket of freezing cold ice water cascaded on her from above. She jumped out of bed and turned to glare, dripping, at the perpetrator. 

Noin stood there with a now empty bucket.

"What is the meaning of this!" Relena demanded, furious. How dare this person roust her out of her void so rudely!

"The meaning of this is to get you out of that bed… and into a shower, you need it."

Relena glared at her in offense.

"And after your shower you can put on some different, less smelly, clothes and join us for dinner," continues Noin feigning oblivion to the glare.

"I don't want to! I want to go back to sleep!"

"I don't care," said Noin implacably. Relena Peacecraft might be stubborn, but Noin was a soldier, and older than her. If necessary, she could be every bit as stubborn as Relena. "You've been hiding away from the world in that bed for far too long Miss Relena. You're not grieving anymore, you're _wallowing_ in misery and I'll be _damned_ if I'm going to stand here and let you! So let's go, get yourself washed and dressed, I want you downstairs in twenty minutes." It was the tone she'd used on so many errant cadets in the academy.

"Fine," said Relena after she discovered that trying to glare down her elder sister wasn't working. She spun on her heel and stormed over to her bathroom. A few minutes later the sound of the shower being turned on could be heard. Nodding in satisfaction, Noin left the room.

…

That was the beginning of a difficult week for Relena. 

Every morning, instead of being allowed to continue sleeping as she had been; safe from the pain of dealing with the world and it's constant reminders of what had happened, Noin rousted her out of bed (by water if necessary) and made her get in the shower, dress herself, and leave her safe comfy quarters for breakfast. Relena was not pleased with the change in her daily routine. After breakfast, Noin dragged her off to get some exercise. Relena went along with it…sulkily. It was only after Noin threatened her with the bucket of icy water that she gave in the first time, after that Relena scraped by doing the bare minimum just so she could get through to day and go back to bed. She fought Noin on every little thing, whether it was brushing her hair (an activity she used to enjoy) or playing a round of tennis. She made Noin fight for every inch of ground she got in their struggles. But Noin, being the soldier (and caring near-sister) that she was refused to surrender, refused to retreat, refused to compromise. 

And, unfairly for Relena, Noin had her elder-blood-Brother backing her up the whole way. Relena couldn't win! She might just have stood a chance against either one of them alone (especially her elder brother who could never resist her pleading eyes) but both of them together and she didn't have a prayer. 

Why won't they leave me alone?! I just want to go to sleep, she thought resentfully. Is that so much to ask? They're so mean!

Perhaps the only reason that she was going along with them at all and not being the completely intractable girl who had received the title Queen of the World was that somewhere, deep, deep down inside herself where she wasn't even aware of it, she must have known they were right in what they were doing. Some part of her must have known it was tough love, must have known that they were there because they cared. Otherwise they might very well have gotten absolutely nowhere with her no matter how hard they tried. Her stubbornness was legendary.

And it was that same stubbornness that made her come to a decision. If they wouldn't let her sleep the way she wanted to, she'd just find another way to sleep. 

I'll go into the snow. Into the cold. I was supposed to die that night in the cold, I will die _this_ night in the cold. I can sink into the blessed calm of eternal oblivion. No one will bother me, and I can be with my family again. I'll just say I'm going for a walk. Then when I'm far enough away, I'll just lay down and sleep…like I did on the shuttle. It won't hurt. And I'll be covered up in a blanket of snow, safe and sound. she thought. The plan sounded like a winner to her. The she could finally be free.

"I think I'll go for a walk," she announced. She noticed, with a slight pang of concience, the quickly smothered looks of surprise and delight on the faces of Noin, Pagan, and Milliardo.

"But it's under fifteen degrees outside," Noin pointed out.

"That's okay, I'll just dress warmly. Besides, the cold air will do me some good."

"Then allow one of us to accompany you," said Pagan.

"No, that's okay you guys. I've got some things I want to think about and I really need to do that alone." 

She bent back over her plate and completely missed the look exchanged between Noin and Milliardo.

"Very well," said her elder brother quietly. "Just make sure you're back before dark." 

She also missed the note of pleading within his voice as he said this when she jumped up and raced to the closet to bundle up against the cold.

…

Once outside Relena wandered into the huge field behind the house and picked a direction that was likely to take her far away. She started walking. Relena let her mind slip away from her, let herself grow numb once more. It was so easy, so comforting not having to feel the pain that she'd carried around with her. She ignored the tiny part of her mind that was arguing with her trying to tell her that it wasn't the right way, had never been the right way. The Numbness would only end up destroying her in the end, she ignored it like she had when she'd slept into oblivion. 

She paid no attention to where she was going, simply kept walking. She paid no attention to the advent of night, just kept walking. She paid no attention to the snow that started coming down, small light flakes at first, then harder as bigger flakes fell and the wind picked up. Soon there was nothing but a swirling wall of white, and some twilight.

Relena stopped.

Here looks as good a place as any, she thought. I'll lay down here and wait for death.

But she stood there. Her knees wouldn't give way beneath her, she wasn't laying down according to her plan. She just stood there in the great swirling mass of white, breathing. 

Okay, why aren't I on the ground. Move you stupid legs! she though in annoyance, they were the things keeping her standing, keeping her from her inevitable destiny. Or was it something inside of her?

After what seemed like an eternity she was still _standing_ there, looking out into the snow. It was then that she became aware of a sound…over the howling of the wind was a slightly higher sound. It almost sounded like a whimper. Relena looked around.

To her left, making it's way through the snow in the pale twilight was a small…something. It was definitely animal, and something in Relena thought helpless. It hopped it's way through the snow, headed straight towards her. With it's last ounce of strength, the tiny creature collapsed on her boots, almost as if it could sense it had reached safe harbor. Relena bent over and picked up the animal, bringing it level with her face so she could look at it.

"Oh you poor thing! What are you doing out in this weather?" she wondered at it.

It, no, _she_, was a puppy. Judging by the thinness of its waist and the fact that Relena could feel the baby's ribs quite well, it was also a stray. Probably one of those batches of puppies that people threw out a car in a bag or a box by the side of the road and left to fend for themselves (most probably to die). Something in Relena firmed itself. Her expression took on it's accustomed look of full spiritual determination. Unbidden, the Relena Peacecraft Determined Face manifested itself on her face. She wasn't going to let this creature die out here in the cold, not on her watch!

Relena turned around. Normally, in a blinding blizzard with about two feet of visibility that was fading fast, Relena wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in hell of returning to her house. But thanks to the wonders of modern technology in the pocket of her coat was a device that would lead her back home. It flashed at her whenever she went in the right direction and she used it to make her way back to her house. She put the frozen little puppy in the warmth of the inside of her jacket, detirmined to keep the exhausted little creature alive until she could bring it to safety.

The memories of her mother's death and her father's death and her failure to keep the Sanc Kingdom from being overrun plagued at her, and brought hot tears to her face. The longing for a place to belong welled up in her. She had her job, but it was a cold comfort. She wanted the warmth and support of a family behind her. She had felt lost and adrift for so long.

I have a place, she realized suddenly. I didn't lose my last remainig family, I still have Noin and Milliardo and Pagan! Her footsteps through the snow quickened.

Home! I'm going home! I'm finally going home! 

…

Relena rushed up the steps and inside her house…no, her home. She was greeted at the door by Pagan as usual, and an anxious looking Noin and Milliardo. They had known, somehow they had known, and they had wanted her to make her own decision! How could she have missed their love and affection? 

The floodgates opened. She collapsed into their arms, sobbing. It felt good to cry, release all of the emotions she had pent up in horror since that night. She was babbling, uncertain of what she was saying, and they were holding her, supporting her, loving her. It felt natural that they were there for her, holding her up as she wept all of her pain and grief into their shoulders. 

Finally she was forced to stop by two things, one, she had run out of tears and energy and two, the little puppy in her coat was struggling to get free. 

"Oh! Look what I found out there," she announced holding up the little cutie, which promptly relieved itself on her clothing.

"Ingrate," she muttered at it, frowning. But it made sense, at suddenly finding itself surrounded by warmth and comfortable air the little thing was naturally going to want to make itself more comfortable. Relena went to go change her now soiled garments and to find a place for her new little friend.

She settled it on a large pillow by one of the fireplaces with a bowl of warm milk and soothing puppy mulch. Due to lack of good diet, the poor dear would likely have a delicate stomach for the next few days. Starting out light and easy then gradually increasing its amount and richness was the way to go. The poor thing barely looked weaned. Relena sat by the fire attending it that night, coaxing it to eat the tasteless mush she presented it with and then petting her until she fell asleep.

Relena too, fell asleep early that night but for the first time it was a healthy sleep, a healing sleep.

* * *

Of course the puppy was the thing that helped Relena to heal. The little waif, now a healthy, silky bundle of fur had pulled Relena the rest of the way from her shell of apathy. By having something to look after, something that needed to be loved and nurtured and cared for, Relena was forced to take her life by the hands once more and face herself.

Relena had talked about her loss, and dealt with her grief over the rest of her medical leave. She and her new family had grown close over that time, and Relena no longer felt like the fifth wheel on Noin and Her brothers relationship. After her break was over, Relena showed up at her job ready and able to take on the awesome responsibilities of being the Vice Foreign Minister once more. Her little puppy had shown her the way to her inner strength, that had been waiting all along for her to wake up and sieze it. Relna joined the rest of the world in living.

And Petunia, now a four month old bundle of fur and mischeif, got taken along with Relena to the colonies when she went up to space for negotiations so that Relena could take her for her afternoon walks. Petunia loved getting into trouble! She like to use the hallway rug as a bathroom (so much better than her designated area), Liked to climb all over the furniture (so much more comfy than her own bed) liked to chew on Relena's slippers and shoes (so much more tasty than dog toys), and play a rousing game of Hide Heero's Teddy Bear (so much more satisfying than fetch!) Ambassador fuzzy looked more like a combat veteran! He was tatered and much mended, but Relena liked to think he was strong enough to endure the terrors of her little puppy with dignity. Her current favorite sport was 'Slip the Leash' in which she would find a way to wriggle out of the collar Relena put around her neck (no matter how tight Relena fastened it, the dog was better than Houdini) and run off as fast as her little puppy legs could carry her (which was surprisingly fast!). Relena would, of course, be forced to chase her little monster into whatever trouble she could find to stick her little puppy nose into. Relena was trying desperately to tame her dog into some semblance of order, but Petunia saw absolutely no reason to end the fun and playfulness of puppyhood and settle into becoming a well-behaved adult dog. 

Relena thought Petunia probably figured that the whole "heel" thing Relena was trying out on her was some new game meant to get her Human even more excersize, for everytime she said it Petunia ran faster. Petunia seemed to love the feeling of freedom, lots of interesting smells, lots of fun things to chase, and of course, her favorite person was running behind her to share it with her! How could things not be grand? 

It was a beautiful day on L1, the newest place that Relena had taken Petunia to go and walks (and, incidentally to settle some sort of trade dispute). Petunia must have though it was simply too nice a day to spend it on a leash, for as soon as the opportunity came, Petunia was off the collar and running through the fields in the park Relena had found for them to enjoy.

"Petunia! Petunia, heel girl!"

With a bark of joy Petunia sped up, running happily on puppy paws towards the enticing aroma of sandwich. 

^^^^^^

In that same park , one Heero Yuy sat on a stone park bench near an empty field to eat his simple bologna sandwich with mustard, mayo, and a slice of cheese. Simple straightforward and reasonably tasty. Although he'd never really concerned himself with taste before, he'd found that it was something that existed outside of battles that made life not so empty. Enjoying sitting there and doing nothing was something he was still trying to understand. He remembered that he had once enjoyed sitting in the grass and feeling the breeze on his face, but that was before he'd had most of his humanity trained away. So now he was out to recapture that again.

He sat there on his bench alone, with his sandwich in his hand, contemplating his present life. He was surprised to find himself looking down into two chocolate brown eyes looking up at him, or more accurately, at his sandwich. They were filled with such earnest 'please-may-I-have-just-the-tiniest-bite-of-what-you're-having-I'm-so-hungry' begging that even the most callous individual would have been unable to resist. Heero "the Perfect Soldier" Yuy, was unsurprisingly no exception. Okay, to be perfectly honest, it was closer to he saw no reason why he shouldn't. So he tore off a corner of his sandwich and fed it to the little golden retriever. He nearly got a very painful flashback of the day in the park when he'd come upon another puppy, but that one had been followed by a girl…

"Petunia! Petunia, heel girl! Heel!" a light feminine voice called from somewhere over to his right. Heero could tell that the person was trying to sound commanding, but the attempt was ruined by the soft gentle kindness he heard underlaying the whole voice.

No way! he thought. It sounded like-

And sure enough, over the hill ran the unmistakable form of Relena Peacecraft-Darlian running after the puppy. Petunia, for her part, jumped up onto the bench and calmly sat down beside him. Heero looked over at the Golden ball of fur, then back at the woman running towards him, or more accurately towards the dog.

"Petunia you little rascal, I ought to have named you trouble!" Relena called upon sighting her dog. "I'm terribly sorry sir she-"

Obviously she was beginning what was for her an automatic apology for her dog when she was surprised by the realization that she knew this person.

"Heero," she said mildly. Blinking in surprise. 

"Rarf! Rarf!" her dog barked and put a forepaw on each shoulder and licked Heero's face. Grinning like a mad thing with her puppy grin. 

Heero glared. His face was covered with puppy slobber and he was not amused.

Relena, however found it very amusing indeed, and she laughed freely. For a moment she seemed to get her laughter under control…then she looked at them again and began laughing anew. Heero transferred his glare to her where it was just as spectacularly unsuccessful as it had been on her dog. If anything it made her laugh even harder. Was he losing his touch? No, it couldn't be. 

By now Relena was holding her sides, pointing a finger weakly at him and trying to say something around her giggles.

"You should- you should s-see the look on y-y-your face!" she managed. Petunia snuck in another real quick, wet "kiss" before jumping off the bench to join her mistress. 

"Gee Heero," Relena said teasingly. "I think she likes you even better than _I_ do!" 

Heero was taken aback by this. Relena had just openly admitted she "liked" him and hadn't even seemed to notice. She hadn't commented, tried to take it back or even explain it. And Heero wasn't about to ask.

Relena sat down on the ground next to the bench and turned to the errant Petunia.

"Now look here you little runt, I know you've been nothing but trouble scince the day I met you, but would it hurt to at least _pretend_ to behave in public?"

"Rrrrrr," was the only reply as the little puppy bowed down on her forepaws and stuck her butt with its wagging tail up in the air in the universal 'play with me' gesture. 

"Sheesh," Relena muttered. "I've got politicians and political leaders all around the world and space hanging on my every word and I can't even get my dog to obey me. Ironic, that's what it is."

"I take it this isn't the first time that she's slipped the collar?" said Heero making it a question without seeming to make it a question.

"In a word, no. I'm telling you the dog is Houdini! You could tie her up in a straight jacket and throw her in a pool, she'd be dog-paddling in ten seconds."

"You really should put her on a choker then," said Heero.

Relena looked over at him in shock.

"I most certainly should not! Those things are barbaric."

"Then she'll keep running away," Heero pursued implacably. "She lacks the necessary discipline to…" Heero trailed off. "My sandwich."

Relena looked over just in time to see the last of Heero's sandwich disappear into the maw of her happy little golden retriever. 

"Petunia!" Relena exclaimed in horror. "Okay that's it! You're going back on he leash!"

"That's real effective," Heero noted dryly. "Your dog just ate my sandwich."

Relena, suddenly and inexplicably started giggling again. Heero could tell she was trying to hide it, trying to keep it back, but it wasn't working.

"My my. **snicker** Nothing gets by you does Heero?" she said snickering. Heero for his part, glared at her, then smirked.

"See, this just proves my point," he told her with an unmistakable air of triumph.

"What point? That it is possible for a dog to steal a sandwich directly under the nose of the great Heero Yuy?" she said cutely, seeming to enjoy this.

"No," he said, ignoring the comments on his vigilance. "That your little Petunia lacks discipline."

"Well of course she does. She's only a puppy. She'll grow out of it…Won't you sweetie, oh you're such a cute little puppy…Yes you are. Oh yes you are," she crooned, ruffling the puppy's fur.

"See, there's half your problem as it stands," he pointed out. At her questioning look he explained. "You're giving the dog mixed messages. By rewarding it for a behavior or characteristic you find endearing you're indirectly sending the message that her misbehavior is acceptable."

Relena cocked her head to one side and said

"I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. It's just that I find it so difficult to be hard on her because it feels like I'm being mean. And I know she won't be a cute little puppy forever so I want her to have a wonderful little puppyhood while she can."

"There's a reason they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks," Heero countered. 

"Petunia," Relena said gently yet still firmly, it was the voice she used when she was speaking in front of an audience. "Come over here so that I can put your collar on. Now."

Petunia reluctantly obeyed and Relena kneeled fastened the collar around her neck. 

"There's also something to be said for the gentle yet firm approach too," said Relena. 

"She still ate my sandwich," he pointed out. 

"Well I don't think you'll be wanting it back, but if it makes you feel better…Petunia! You apologize!"

Petunia slunk forward, head low, tail low and whined then licked his hand.

"First trick I taught her," said Relena proudly. "I figured if she was going to get into trouble she ought to know how to make up for it properly. It's good manners."

"Your dog seems to think 'Heel' means 'Run Faster' and yet she can apologize for eating people's food," Heero felt obligated to point out the irony in that. 

"She just doesn't like to be on a leash that's all. I can't really blame her. But still, scince she did eat your sandwich, I guess I'll have to make up for it. Tell you what, I'll buy you a new one!" she said cheerfully.

Before Heero could so much as accept or decline the offer, Relena had pulled him to his feet and had his arm tucked securely in hers as she headed in the direction of a nearby food vendor selling his wares to hungry people out for an afternoon stroll.

"And what'll it be for the little miss today lad?" asked the Irish vendor looking over at Heero, automatically thinking her was buying for the two of them.

"Um, no. I'm buying," said Relena, then pointed down at her dog sitting obediently at her feet.

"Ah, so an' it's you Relena-lass. She after this persons lunch today?"

"Yeah, she actually managed to eat his. I owe him one." She turned to Heero. "Take your pick."

"This lass an' herr doog are puttin' me kids through coollege," the Irishman joked. 

Relena gave a small laugh then grinned and said

"Hey, what can I say. I'm always happy to further the cause of higher education."

The vendor handed Heero the sandwich he'd chosen (ham and cheese on rye with mustard), Relena paid, and they found another empty park bench. Relena watched in amusement as Petunia begged for a bite of Heero's new sandwich, even to the extent of putting her forepaws in the air. Heero simply ignored the puppy and ate his sandwich in silence. This caused the puppy to grow even more agitated, because if there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was being ignored. Relena watched her further attempts to catch the pilots eye (or even better yet, his food) with amusement and said

"Give it up princess, you've already had yours. Well actually, you've already had _his_. I don't think he's going to be as generous this time around."

"Why Petunia?" he said suddenly. Heero was aware of via certain gossip channels (Duo talked to Quatre who had it from Noin who was there and Duo loved to gossip) of how the two had met, he would have expected something more spiritual.

"Hm?" she said looking over at him.

"Why did you chose to name your dog Petunia?"

"She discovered the potted petunia plant on the second day we had her with tragic results," said Relena and went on to describe the incident in which she wound up with a downstairs full of plant soil, a bottle of 'Essence of Petunia', and a skinny little puppy stuck in a petunia plant unable to win free.

Relena was animated in her story telling and when she described the dog scatching away at the plant trying to get out she made scratching motions. Her eyes lit with laughter at the end result of her little puppy, her sister and her brother coming out of the encounter muddied and reeking of petunia. 

"…So rather than tagging either Noin or my brother with the nickname petunia, we decided to name the dog Petunia." She finished.

"You are correct in your original assessment," said Heero when she was done. "You should have named your dog trouble."

Relena gave a small laugh at this and replied

"She might be trouble, but she more than makes up for it with the love she gives. She really is a sweet dog. She's been more than enough to keep my spirits up since…" Relena's face briefly clouded over, but she stubbornly continued. "Since that incident in the shuttle when my mother died."

"I'd heard about that," said Heero. Sally and Wufei had headed up the investigation and had asked him to do a background check on the pilot and copilot. They'd come out clean and it was discovered that the incident really was only an accident. No deeper force and no point other than that the universe could indeed be cruel sometimes.

Heero wasn't at all good with apologies or commiserations, but he'd learned that in instances like these they were appropriate and to some extent sometimes expected.

"I'm sorry it happened," was all he could think to say to her about it.

"So am I," said Relena quietly. "Heero…Thanks."

Heero nodded. There was something a lot different about her now, somehow. She seemed to have lost what small feelings of uncertainty he'd sensed in her once, that she'd kept hidden. Relena looked at peace with herself, as if she'd finally tapped into some wellspring of confidence and potential that she'd hidden away from herself. Heero couldn't quite name what it might be, but she seemed even less of a child. She had always been strong emotionally, but now Heero could sense a soul of tempered steel infusing her with strength. Her laughter was every bit as free as any others, but there was something in her eyes that said she valued her laughter so much more now.

The moment was broken by Petunia who had suddenly discovered a butterfly flitting aloft from a nearby grass stem and fluttering right by her face. All thoughts of being a proper docile and well behaved dog instantly vaporized as she happily gave chase. Relena was pulled along on the joyous hunt by her energetic puppy and she gave in willingly, laughing in delight. Heero watched as the young woman and her dog ran off together laughing or barking, one a whirling puppy dervish jumping and yipping, the other a smiling swirl of skirts laughing freely as if she had not a care in the world.

There seemed to be something to be said for maintaining innocence as well as strength. That she could go through all she had and still maintain that core of innocence said something for her strength, and the strength she drew from loving and being loved in return.

He watched as the two ran off into the park together, it was an odd thing sometimes.

THE END

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Authors Note: I got the inspiration for this story when I watched Endless Waltz and saw the scene with the girl and her dog. I thought, what if History repeated itself? Hence the fic. I myself am not a dog person, if fact, I don't really like dogs I like cats. I was toying with the idea of writing a fic from the point of veiw of Relena's cat, any takers? I'm sorry to all of my fellow Hy+RP fans for not making it a romance like you were probably all expecting. I was going to have him help her out, but then I thought…He's already messed up in the head as it is how the Hell is _he_ supposed to help _her_. Instead it's about finding strength in one's self and in the ties of blood and family. It's about healing and putting loss and tragedy behind one's self. And…oh Hell, just make of it what you will.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of it's charactors. Those belong to sunrise, Bandai, and Sotsu Agency. 


End file.
